In my head

I am beginning to think that having too much unsupervised time in my own head probably isn't the very best idea for me at this point. We have been stuck at home for weeks now with a nasty, lingering yuck that seems to keep making an endless loop through my children. This has meant no park days with the homeschool group, many days of not even getting dressed, endless nights coughing, waking up to cranky kids with their eyes glued shut, a house that seems to be slowly falling a part as I stumble about trying to keep everything from toppling over. I am tired, lonely, and if I am honest... I am a mess.
I am also finding that I am having to put my words for the year into use. Fiona is busting out her personality full force. She is a wee little spit fire, like her great grandma Teresa and her nanny. Head strong, has no fear of any sort of danger, will not take NO for an answer, cries hard, loves hard, plays hard, and falls into restless night sleeps at the end of incredibly busy days (for a two year old). I am going to be making some hard choices here about what we can and can not do because I just need to keep her from killing herself as she runs straight off the bed, climbs onto the dinner table and tries to climb off into mid-air, she can not be left alone for even a minute. There have been days where I literally can not recall when I last showered because I can not leave her with her older brothers so I can wash myself in 3 minutes.
I am having to embrace this new life, this new way of doing things, and surrender to it. I can complain and weep about it (which I have) or I can just say "This is how it is right now" and go with the flow. That seems to be a challenge for me, to just surrender to my life, I seem to want to fight all the changes, fight all the new things. I get comfy with how things are.... not very Buddhist. You know, the only true constant is change. And that is what is happening here, change. So I have been arguing with myself and all those demons that are pushing me to not accept this, all those demons that DEMAND my attention, that want me to fight and cry and complain and struggle. But to be honest, it is just too hard to fight this hard over life. It is too hard to be angry and frustrated every. single. day. So what if the house isn't tidy all day long. So what if the dishes pile up, so what if the laundry just never gets folded, so what if all I end up doing in one day is play in the front yard?
You know, you get this one chance, this one life... I am not sure mine will be best spent fighting so hard to keep things the same. I think it is better to just flow, relax, enjoy, love, surrender, and embrace.