Thursday, October 2, 2014

Where we are at...







I have mentioned recently that I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed with life and our ever growing schedule of "must do" things. I took yesterday off: we read books, colored, painted, the kids played games of "Magic the Gathering", we watched a movie, ate cookies, I studied a bit and knitted a bit, and we spent a bunch of time outside in the yard.
I have come to realize lately that I am trying to play "Keep up with the Joneses" of our homeschooling community, and I just need to stop. I still have wee babes. It is ok if not all of my days are not filled from top to bottom with oh so many this and thats. SO we are not signing up for gymnastics again for awhile, we are going to skip the new homeschool co-op for the time being, we are going to settle here at home, putter, go for walks, spend time at parks, and try and spend most evenings at home. That is like a big sigh... perfection.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Knits


Joining Ginny for the Yarn Along.
I finished up Fiona's vest/sweater and have also knitted Nuala's vest, now I am working on socks for Caelan. His favorite color is blue and while searching my stash I found this lovely multi-blue yarn. So happy with it. I am knitting my stand by sock pattern. (Probably the best $5 I have ever spent on a pattern, ever!) My plan is to knit a pair of socks for Rowan as well, but using a multi-green sock yarn. Then all that will be left are fingerless mitts for Sagan and Logan and Audrey's scarf. LOL seems like a lot still. But as they say, slow and steady, right?

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Yarning

from saturday morning

from tuesday afternoon
I was almost done, just a couple rows from the finish line. I tried it on Fiona and OH my! Waaaaay too small. So I frogged the whole thing, bought the pattern to get the larger sizes and started over. The yarn is so lovely and the pattern so simple that it isn't too heart breaking to have to do it all again. I have decided to use the same yarn for projects for Fiona, Nuala, and Audrey but do something different for each of them, so it is matchy, but not too matchy. Which actually makes it a bit more exciting, I have two more patterns to find and work on.
The blanket has not been added to at all this week. It is easy but slow going, 160 stitches per row... ugh!

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Planning



Yes, I know... we are well into September and I still am not finished with the planning. I can't seem to get it right, where we have time for doing stuff out in the world, but also staying home and doing stuff here too. I feel very all over the place. All these ideas/rhythms/plans floating around in my head and just feeling overwhelmed by the shear amount of stuff that seems to need to be packed into so many days of the week. As the boys get older they want to actually DO stuff... soccer, gymnastics, park days twice a week, computer code club twice a week, and of course hanging out with friends. BUT I have noticed that when we are constantly running that the girls start freaking out, and if I am honest so do I. I need down time, the "breathing in" time. SO I have pulled out all the planning/organizing goodies and have restarted. I will get this, I will.

Monday, September 15, 2014

Gratitude Sunday (done on a Monday)


Joining Taryn from Wooly Moss Roots for Gratitude Sunday. A time to slowdown, to reflect, to be grateful. A list of gratitudes.

~  Homeschool Park days starting up again
~ Much needed heavy, soaking rain
~ Nuala crawling on her hands and knees, it is so sweet
~ Getting all the camping gear together
~ Sunshine through the windows into the living room
~ Time to knit each day
~ Lovely marigolds
~ Pumpkin time!!

Friday, September 12, 2014

{ This Moment }

Joining Amanda from Soulemama for This Moment. A single photograph from the week, a moment I wish to pause, savor, and remember.



Thursday, September 11, 2014

Letting go and embracing

Rainbow Nuala

playing with homemade playdough
I have been finding recently that I have issues with being a full time stay at home mom. Ever since I started having children I have worked, at least part time. I work opposite shifts to my husband, worked nights, weekends, holidays. As a nurse it worked out well, I could pretty much pick my schedule, worked per diem float and got paid well. Everyone wants a nurse who wants to work the night shift, who will go to any floor, and who will work holidays. I felt like my work was important, and that it really mattered if I showed up.
It has been 4 years now since I have worked outside the home. After we moved back to Arizona from Maine we were finally in a position that I didn't need to work. And so I jumped at it. I had wanted to be home full time for, well forever. Now, though, I feel like... do I matter? Does it matter that I make playdough, clean the house, do the dishes, bake bread? I know it is lame, but I feel like I am lost in the house. I get really defensive about what I do. I don't want to shout it from the roof tops or something, honestly I am not sure what I need. I know as a society we pay a lot of lip service to parenting. I mean every place you look someone is blaming parents (usually mothers) for how "kids these days behave" or how important it is to have a safe stable home life and how important it is that parents spend time, not money on their kids... but the reality is, is that really we value money and stuff over people and time.
Recently I posted a link on Facebook to this sorta funny piece a woman wrote regarding not being "in the moment" with her kids. And my brother commented on it and I bit his head off. I was hyper defensive. I am with my husband as well, like don't EVEN suggest that I should do more or that I'm not doing enough. Your comment can not even maybe be construed that way, and I can construe so be careful! My husband probably feels like he has to walk on eggshells around me.
Maybe it is all the hormones getting back to normalish, Nuala is 7 months old now. Maybe it is that I just turned 42 and I am wondering... what is going on in my future. Maybe it is that we are done having kids and when this last wee babe grows up (which, by the way, is happening WAAAAAY too fast) then what is my role, what is my job, why am I here? I am not sure I want to go back to being a floor nurse.
I am not even sure what this post is about. I guess I need to let go, let go of what I think society thinks I need to be doing. Let go of all the pressure I put on myself, then when it gets to be too much I shut down and stop functioning at my best. I need to embrace this life, as it is right now. All of the messiness, imperfectness of it, all the moments I miss for being overwhelmed. But it is hard sometimes, but what in life isn't hard? Right? Aren't all the best things a bit of a challenge? Maybe not, maybe that is part of the problem, maybe life isn't suppose to be so hard, maybe that is my brain's problem.