Thoughts on Thursday

do you see it? i think it looks like a phoenix

Feeling a bit like a Phoenix lately. Rising up from the ashes of my deep dark spot and coming out new and fresh. Feeling full of life and ready to take on challenges.
Is it the methylfolate I am now taking? Is it talking to a therapist? Is it just listening to my inner self? Who knows. And honestly, does it matter? I don't think life has changed much, but my out look sure has. I am feeling less like I want to crawl into a cave and more like a butterfly.
Many moons ago I watched the Secret with some friends. The movie really upset me, seemed a lot like white western privileged and victim blaming to me, and my view hasn't changed much... except one part. One of the speakers talks about viewing relationships with new eyes. If you are always looking for fault, you will find it; but if you are looking for the good, well it pops up all over the place. I think that is just good advice in general. If you are looking for misery it is there for you, but if you take the time and search out the good, well it is there too! And that is what I am trying to do. Take my attention and put it towards the things I wish to see, and stop looking for the sorrow, the pain, the hate. Opening up to the beauty in my life.... because it is so abundant!

Knitting

Joining Small Things and Frontier Dreams.

It doesn't look like much at the moment, but soon, soon it will be my first ever full on pull over sweater. Yes, it is for Nuala, but I've got to start somewhere... right? After many false starts I decided on the Flax sweater by Tin Can Knits. I just love all their projects in the beginners free book. My ultimate plan is to knit a Flax for my oldest son, who is over 6'2". But I must start small... 

Weekending

Joining Pumpkin Sunrise for weekending (this week in photos).

A perfectly lovely weekend in Northern Arizona.

*Gratitude Sunday*

Joining Wooly Moss Roots for Gratitude Sunday. Sundays heartfelt tradition. A time to slowdown, to relax, to be grateful. A list of gratitudes.

~A cool mountain weekend

~Coming home to a clean house

~Good friends

~Hot cocoa

~LuSa's Autumn treasure box... sigh

Soul food Friday

Joining A Soulful Life for Soul Food Friday. Pausing to notice something that fed my soul during the week.

It has been one of those weeks. So much beauty and so much struggle. But in the end, it is all good... Right? Because the alternative is well, not living. Through all the ups and downs, and all the slow and all the crazy, it is so so worth it. This is my life, my amazing, wonderful, blessed life.

Thoughts on Thursday

I haven't taken good care of myself for a very long time. I have done things with the idea in my head that if I did them people would like me, but this lead me to feeling a lot of resentment because honestly I didn't want to do those things. When I have done things that I truly want to do I don't feel that frustration, I don't feel the resentment... I feel, like my therapist pointed out, light and happy with the choice. I feel good.
What I am finding is, that I need to find my NO. No matter what I do, or what I say, or how I act, I have no control over how people feel about me. I can do all the things "right" and that still won't make people love me, or like me. I have no control over that. So, instead of doing things that do not work for me, things that I struggle with doing because I feel this obligation, and that I am not doing with an open and loving heart, I am going to be ok with (or at least start taking those first steps to) saying NO when I don't wish to do something. I will honor myself by saying YES to the things that matter to me, allow those things to fill me up. My hope is, over time, by doing more of the things that fill me with joy and less of the things that cause me stress, anxiety, and frustration; my resentment and anger will slowly be replaced with love and happiness.

Yarn along

Joining Small Things for the weekly Yarn Along.

So, I am planning yet another project, even though at the moment I have 5 unfinished projects laying about the craft cupboard. Just nothing is keeping me interested, I enjoy making sweater vests for the girls, even though I live someplace that you don't need a bunch of sweater vests, still I love knitting them. so, instead of continuing on stuff that I am not enjoying I am knitting Lulu a Pebble vest (but "big kid" sized) to go with her pants I am working on. How cute will this kid be?? Too cute that is for sure!

sewing

Joining Frontier Dreams for Keep Calm, Craft On.

Decided to make the girlies a little something. I finally felt inspired, maybe because fall is coming, even if it doesn't quite feel like it temperature wise yet. 

I am going to take another go at making Lulu a pair of pants, using the instructions from Amanda Soule's first book. I am toying with the idea of making the cuff part of the pants a different fabric, it's fun to mess around with it. And Fiona Rosy has asked for another skirt, and I am more than happy to make one of those for her, because they take all of about an hour! And I am so much an instant gratification crafter. 

Weekending

Joining Pumpkin Sunrise for weekending.

I guess the weekend started Friday evening when I took the older boys to see The Visit. It was great fun, we ate popcorn and M&Ms and I screamed a bit. I plowed through a great book, Lock In, which honestly it has been months and months since a read anything other than non-fiction/self help books. I couldn't put it down. 

Saturday was busy, yet I can't really put my finger on why. Maybe because time seems to just fly by these days. And finally Sunday was spent celebrating my dear husband's 47th birthday. Which I think was loads of fun. 

* Gratitude Sunday *

Joining Wooly Moss Roots for gratitude Sunday. Sunday's heartfelt tradition. A time to slowdown, to reflect, to be grateful. A list of gratitudes.

I am ever so grateful for:
~being called on my shit and having to face painful truths and start the healing process
~having good friends
~yoga
~letting go of what isn't working (or at least beginning to)
~a few overcast days to mix things up a bit
~taking time to read a good book