Thursday, September 17, 2015
Thoughts on Thursday
I haven't taken good care of myself for a very long time. I have done things with the idea in my head that if I did them people would like me, but this lead me to feeling a lot of resentment because honestly I didn't want to do those things. When I have done things that I truly want to do I don't feel that frustration, I don't feel the resentment... I feel, like my therapist pointed out, light and happy with the choice. I feel good.
What I am finding is, that I need to find my NO. No matter what I do, or what I say, or how I act, I have no control over how people feel about me. I can do all the things "right" and that still won't make people love me, or like me. I have no control over that. So, instead of doing things that do not work for me, things that I struggle with doing because I feel this obligation, and that I am not doing with an open and loving heart, I am going to be ok with (or at least start taking those first steps to) saying NO when I don't wish to do something. I will honor myself by saying YES to the things that matter to me, allow those things to fill me up. My hope is, over time, by doing more of the things that fill me with joy and less of the things that cause me stress, anxiety, and frustration; my resentment and anger will slowly be replaced with love and happiness.