Weekending

Joining Amanda from The Habit of Being.

This weekend was spent watching a lot of Van Halen videos on Youtube, Fiona LOVES David Lee Roth, go figure. I got bit by the knitting bug again and whipped out a baby hat and finished up three projects that were waiting patiently for me to get inspired again, so glad I did.
Sunday was spent with family celebrating my oldest child, my oldest daughter's 19th birthday. Made LOTS of no bake pies. Yum yum.
Maybe, possibly, there could be an end in sight to this morning sickness, I have been feeling this overpowering need to clean stuff really well. Who knows, maybe this week the toys will be reorganized, the bedrooms gone through, and the pantry cleaned up... or maybe I will nap some more and eat cheesecake.

* Gratitude Sunday *

Joining Taryn from Wooly Moss Roots for Gratitude Sunday. Sunday's heartfelt tradition. A time to slow down, to reflect, to be grateful. A list of gratitudes.

~ I am grateful for my oldest daughter who turns 19 today. What an amazing, beautiful soul she is. I feel blessed every day that she chose us to be with. She has grown into such a lovely young woman, so confident, strong, and smart. Happy Birthday to my girlie.
~ Trader Joe's for having somewhat healthy alternatives to nasty fast food and frozen dinners that seem to have become a staple around here, one day when I feel better we shall be eating well again, until then... Trader Joe's has been our savior

~ A patient and understand husband, who has picked up some serious slack around here

~ For having health insurance, we just got the first bill from Logan's surgery... my, oh, my is all I can say

~ For getting the knitting bug back, finished up three projects and started and finished a third

~ Maple trees for their yummy sap

~ For bird seed, love filling the feeder in the morning and watching all the crazy birds come flocking to the backyard to fill up

~ For pinterest, and all those yummy recipes to be found there

Yarn Along

Joining Ginny from Small Things for weekly Wednesday Yarn Along and Frontier Dreams for Keep Calm Craft On.

Back in the saddle. I finished those baby socks only to find I just didn't like the color pooling that happened, so I frogged both socks and just let the yarn sit there. I was feeling quite disgusted with the yarn. Except that I love the yarn. It is so happy and so soft, soooo I will give it another go.
I got a new book of comics by Heather Cushman-Dowdee, comics of Hathor the Cowgoddess back all the way from 2007. As always just a great book full of thought provoking comics and wonderful blurbs of insight. First thing I have read in a month, totally happy with that.

Weekending

taken by audrey

This weekend was a roller coaster of emotions. Thankfully it ended on a lovely note, dinner at home on Sunday with all my kiddies.
The weather was crazy hot, I felt run down and depressed and just so done with the nausea and tiredness. We spent Saturday evening at my parents house swimming, having a bar-b-que and watching fireworks out in the front yard. Sunday was a complete day of laziness, which was just so nice. Mike even took all the littles to a comic book store (such a brave man) and I had about 30 minutes to myself... I watched Eureka on Netflix. And I don't want to jinx it, but I didn't feel like death warmed over on Sunday... nauseated, tired: yes, but calm, happy and just a little bit hopeful that this too shall pass.

Joining Amanda from The Habit of Being

* Gratiude Sunday *

Joining Taryn from Wooly Moss Roots for Sunday's heart felt tradition. A time to slow down, to reflect, to be grateful. A list of gratitudes.

~ For my dad keeping his swimsuits for 40 plus years, that meant we had enough suits for swimming in my parents pool when we left our stuff at home.
~ My husband for picking up the slack as I lay about growing a baby
~ Gladiolas
~ Cupcakes and cheesecake
~ Pizza delivery
~ Clean clothes
~ The wonderful blogland ladies who cheered me up the other day... thank you a million times
~ Fireworks
~ Eureka on Netflix
~ Having a mini vacation planned for the end of next month, just knowing we will be able to get out of town for a few days makes this heat bearable.
~ Naps

Independence and Interdependence

This last week was rough, I mean really rough. I am worn to the bone. I feel like a failure as a mother and a wife. Pregnancy depression is hitting me hard and I am wondering... is this a HUGE mistake? What was I thinking getting pregnant in my 40's?? I have 6 healthy children, why am I tempting fate?
I have cried a lot and been alone a lot. I feel like I am lost.
And I think part of this is because I am afraid to ask for help, I mean real help. I think the way we have set up society in these little isolated "nuclear families" leaves much to be desired. I feel vulnerable and scared. How do you really truly ask for help? When the expectation is that you NEED to be strong and do it all yourself. There is such a stigma on needing help in this country. I think many people need more community they just don't know how to make it happen, how to ask or who to do it with. Because your not suppose to need anyone. Your suppose to be independent. In reality we are not, we all depend on each other, but we have to keep up this facade that we are perfectly happy doing it all alone.
But the thing is, I am not happy. I am lonely and sad and feel isolated. My nausea and overwhelming tiredness and bizarre car sickness (even when I am driving) makes it hard for me to go anywhere or do much of anything. I want to ask for help, but everyone seems to always have their shit together, and I am over here flapping around like a fish out of water. My house is a mess, we are eating poorly (in fact I must confess we are eating waaaaaay too much fast food because cooking makes me feel terrible, most foods turn my stomach, and I am too tired to care most of the time), all of the things I want to be doing (like the pool, and hanging with friends, and books I want to read and need to read, and knitting projects and canning etc etc etc) are just sitting undone as I bury myself in Netflix and naps. The kids are on the computer ALL THE TIME.
I just keep telling myself I am 10 weeks now, just two more weeks, we can do this... two more weeks and this will pass. But I feel like it shouldn't have been this way. I should have reached out, embraced the interdependence, shared my vulnerability, asked for the help we needed... the help I needed. Being a mama is hard, feeling like crap is hard, doing it all alone sucks!

Yarn Along

Joining Ginny from Small Things for the Wednesday Yarn Along.

This last week I started a wee little pair of baby socks with this wonderful cotton rainbowy yarn. It knits up so great. Sadly I am just not super motivated at this point to pound out the socks, hopefully the knitting bug will hit again soon and this sweet pair of socks will be finished.
I have been thumbing through "I Love Dirt" such great ideas, I wish we lived some place where we could do more of this stuff. I have yet to dig up dirt in our yard and find any living things. Still, loads of great ideas for fun stuff to do with kids while playing in the dirt.