A while back on MDC (Mothering.com) there was a discussion on whether marriage was hard. Many people who had been married for a short time (less than 5 years) piped in and said "NO!" it wasn't and they wouldn't do it if it was hard. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry for them. Because marriage is hard work. That doesn't mean it is horrible or isn't something worth doing (if you are such a person who wants to get married), but it is work, hard work. It is hard work to learn to live with someone else, to grow and change and still be connected. That person you married 20 years ago isn't the same person today, and honestly they shouldn't be, neither should you. You both should have changed and grown... but that is why it is hard work because you have to learn to except them for who they are, who they are becoming and who them might end up being. It is NEVER 50/50 and those who strive for that will forever be disappointed. One of you will always need more and be giving less (it shouldn't always be the same person), it is to be expected because there is always change and flow and growth and moments where you just can't be 100%. In my opinion, this is where being married to your best friend is so important. That was another question asked on MDC. So many said NO. That seemed so weird to me. Mike is my very best friend, that doesn't mean he doesn't make me nuts. I love him, but more importantly I like him. I like who he is, what he does, what he has to say and who he is becoming. I think that is what pulls us through the hard spots, because we are each others best friend. I can not imagine my life without him in it. He knows me so well, and he knows all my secrets and stories... who would else would I ever trust with this? Some nights in my weird late night anxiety ridden moments I try and plan... plan for what I would do if he didn't make it home from work, or something happened on that weekend hike or that business trip... how would I go on without my best friend, my soul mate? (I do believe in those, soul mates. I don't think everyone ends up marrying their soul mate, but I do believe in them and that we all have them.) I joke with Mike and tell him that if anything ever happens to him I will raise our kids and then go into a monastery and become a nun and just clean things and meditate and walk, I am only half joking.
So what does all this mean? I don't know, I just know that for me marriage is hard work and you need to be married to your best friend and that shit will get ugly sometimes and it will be amazingly beautiful at other times and it is like the roller coaster, and you never live 50/50 but that isn't bad, and that I am oh so incredibly blessed to be married to my soul mate.