Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Conflicted today

I feel so conflicted today. Maybe it is a total lack of sleep, or maybe I have finally had enough and I am ready to really make the changes that need to happen here.
I hate that I get so unsure of myself and the choices I want to make. What exactly am I afraid of? I just don't know... well yes I do. I do know. I am afraid of screwing up. It is always like that for me.
I have been noticing the boys play lately. I don't have that big of an issue with "minecraft" (a computer game), their friends dad started a private server, so the group can all play the game in a safe on-line environment, but they can't seem to play anything now that isn't minecraft related and it has to be JUST LIKE THE GAME, or there is much fighting. And when ever Sagan is a bit bored he wants the TV on even if nothing he wants to watch is on, just so he can sit and stare at it. I find myself getting on-line often to see that nothing has changed since the last time I was on 30 minutes before.
I have been reading "Simplicity Parenting" and it is speaking to me... telling me to slow down, tune out, and be present. We are so scattered and disconnected it seems to me in this house. We have 15 -20 games and yet none get played regularly because well the TV is on or someone is on the computer or gosh, I don't know. There is so much more living we could be doing if these things were not in the wast. Turning them off doesn't seem to help. They are still there, still looming in the rooms they are in. Maybe we just need to sell the TV, thin out the DVD collection, cancel Netflix, sell my laptop(?? eeeep), spend more time outside.
Maybe we have too many choices. The kids have tons of toys. So much to pick from, maybe that makes it harder to choose. What do you pick? Maybe you pick nothing. I don't know. What I have been pondering today is having the kids list the things most special to them and then talking to them about letting the rest go. It is hard to let in new stuff when we cling so tightly to everything.
Maybe instead of watching Mythbusters (which we love) or Psych (again another favorite) we could be playing card games, or board games, or *gasp* playing music and dancing. Maybe instead of fighting for turns on the computer we could be working in the garden, or riding bikes or going for a walk.
They use to have fabulous imaginations when TV and computer didn't dominate their lives, now... I don't know. I am scared to take the first step, to push for the changes. I can already here all the excuses because I am making them also.
I look at baby Fiona and I think... what do I want for her? What do I want for the bigger kids? What sort of life do we want to raise them in? Is technology making things better or worse? Are we better off because we can watch 200 channels and get on-line and chat with everyone? I don't know. I keep saying that.


meredith said...

i have the same feelings about the tv and technology. it feels like a blessing and a curse. especially since having a child, it feels like a constant struggle to find balance. the lure of the tv or the computer is so strong for children especially. i feel like i'm constantly battling to limit exposure for my child and for myself ... and sometimes i too wonder if the best solution would be to get rid or the tv entirely. but the computer, how do you get rid of that in this day and age? and you know, the few people that i know who don't have televisions still manage to watch plenty of television shows and movies on their computers. i don't know what the solution is. i appreciate you sharing your thoughts about this. it's an issue that is on my mind almost daily! (and also, we love psych too!)

Nicole said...

Heather, thank you for sharing :) I have read Simplicity Parenting (from library) and I really liked it. It is such a delicate balance to find with the technology and so individual with each family or child. One thing I tried recently is to try to not be on the computer much in front of the kids...if they see me on it, then they would want to be on it too. i would even leave it on but turn off monitor so it looks off :)

momto5 said...

i have been thinking about that as well, getting on early AM or late in the evening. and do shut off the screen when it is on, but being used. so much to think about.
meredith: i don't like the battles. i keep thinking if we didn't have it in house we wouldn't have the battles... but maybe i am fooling myself. for many years we didn't have on, not sure why i felt compelled to get one. lol